Hi – i think i might be introduced. But here’s the story:
Okay, on the 21st of May was when i first told my friend i fancied a 6th former. (someone who has stopped on at school and he is in his last year. Im in year 9. So im 14 and he’s 18)
She said ‘Aw, that’s really sweet, being as though he’ll be leaving soon, ill get his name for you to add on facebook‘ i said ‘okay’ I didn’t know it would of been then though. I needed some time for confidence. That day on the last lesson when we were out doing Field work i was walking around with my friend and he walked past with his friend. She shouted his friend (because she knows him) and said ‘Hey, What’s his name?’ The one i like replied ‘(his name) Why?’ my friend then said ‘Because my friend who just hid round the corner fancies you!’ and she said he smiled and walked off. A lot has happened since then. I’ve noticed him around school with her and shes shouted his name and waved – he smiled and waved back. He still don’t know who i am though. After we saw him and she waved and that little thing, she did the new play production and it just so happens his sister is in it. She asked his last name for me. Then soon after she bumped into him walking home. She said to him apparently ‘Hi, i got your last name for that girl’ he apparently said ‘Who is she?’ Wanting to know who i was. She then said bye and they went separate ways. Now she said to me in the holiday about a week ago ‘Add him on facebook, he’s really friendly!’ so i did and he accepted. I don’t know if he’s looked at my profile or anything. But he was online last night and i really wanted to talk to him. Im so scared to though. He’s single and often gets called gay because of how he looks. I think he looks nice. On monday when we came back to school my friend said to me ‘he fancies you!’ i said ‘WHAT?! how do you know?’ and the conversation ended because the bell went. I don’t know if he actually does but I was soo happy! He is only in school for exams now and yesterday when 4th lesson had finished at music my friend wanted me to come with her to wash her hands because powder came out of the instrument she was using. He was there. I sort of looked at him out of pure shyness said ‘Nooooo.. go this way!’ and she said ‘why’ I made a scene out of it, but only a quiet one. She said that he hadn’t seen me. But his room is opposite mine on friday – i don’t know if he is in tomorrow. My friend told me to talk to him over facebook.. but what do you think? Thanks. I’ve really mucked this up. I want her to introduce me, but i don’t know how to ask her or how i’d react because im too shy. id probably turn beetroot and embarras myself like yesterday. Help? xx
Iv’e looked at his profile information over facebook. We love more or less the same music, dvd’s and we like the same books. He is also quarter Italian like me. We both love History and Art. He thinks any woman can be any size, he don’t want to get married, same as me. He wants 3 children same as me, and on facebook it asked him a question of what he’d name his son. He put Sergei or Sergio. And that’s what i’d name my son! We have a lot in common!
but i know that’s not the In’s and Out’s of it!
This is me
http://s749.photobucket.com/albums/xx131…
how should i do my makeup for when i meet him, hopefully if im introdiced. I know he is in school on friday! x
(Sorry, this is long.)
Ten years ago, I dated a man for six months. I was 27, he was 49, and in some warped way, our age difference was the big turn on, and we had some of the hottest sex I had ever had. But he was incredibly obsessive towards me, citing that he believed that my being “young and beautiful” meant I was constantly untrustworthy, and likely would cheat. I tried desperately to get him to stop acting like a maniac about it, because I did have an attraction to him. But it got worse. He would stalk me at work, started getting drunk more often, and his obsession ruled any other feelings he thought he had.
The more angry he was over this, the less I wanted him to meet my friends and definitely not my family. I just refused to give in until he behaved himself. This drove him to worse actions, more drinking, yet if it makes any sense, we still had unbelievably good sex, which I can’t forget. I enjoyed being dominated (no bondage) and he always fulfilled my every wish, whenever I wanted.
But the rest of our “relationship” was terrible. I tried ending it, but he would give me some crazy sex that I had grown accustomed to enjoying. It was the only way he knew how to get through to me. It was the only time I felt he cherished me, because out of the bedroom, he was acting like a lunatic. So during sex, I would lose myself in him. I can only assume that he used sex as the one way to communicate with me, because trying to use words just failed miserably. And during sex, he could see I was pleased.
Finally upon ending it, and hearing the same terrible abusive things he would say to me, I denied him any more chances, and made it final. I made up my mind I would stop every connection we had, including sex. Unfortunately, our sex life confused him, and in a final attempt to get me to change my mind, he came over to “talk”, but went in to a fury of angry, domineering sex, ignored my pleas to stop, and in the end, was indeed a case of sexual assault.
I was at my wits end to be rid of him, but since nothing worked, I called the police and reported what he had done on our final night together. There was enough evidence. He wrote letters admitting to the rape, left answering machine messages, and witnesses could attest to the stalking. It went to court, and he was found guilty. It was all I could do to get him to stop.
When I last saw him, he didn’t seem like a lunatic anymore, and would look at me with a demure sense of loss. We never saw each other or spoke again.
One thing I remember is that right after the attack I was in tears and said, “Why did you do this after I said ‘no’?” He was calm after his orgasm and said, “Because I thought that is what you wanted.” He was half right, but I couldn’t see it that way at the time. He was trying to give me something I wanted, seeing me so unhappy with our “relationship”, that he gave me the ultimate gift send off, since our sex life was full of perversion, domination, and at times fantasy rape – however I would always tell him the code for stopping in a fantasy rape was to say ‘no’ more than the one time). I got the impression that he believed since he already had sex for six months anyway, this was just ‘one more time’, and that giving me a true scary experience might win me back to his bed.
The only thing was I said ‘no’ more than several times, and the attack was unpredicatable because he was being so forceful and it began to hurt. I feel so much guilt thinking, ‘did I train a man to rape me’?
I know I’m not the only woman/person in the world who enjoys submission, or a rape fantasy. There is after all, a ton of information about it online and in books as sex play for couples, but the couple needs to know exactly when the play needs to stop, therefore needs ultimate trust.
He was devasted that I called the police and actually made a sexual harassment case out of it. What else could I do? He wasn’t going away quietly, and ‘no’ was pleaded many times over the act.
Over the years, I’ve frequently had thoughts about him, sometimes finding myself missing the sex he gave me, that I haven’t been able to find from other men. I certainly don’t miss the jealousy, obsession, and sometimes cruelty of what this man was like out of the bedroom. There were times he was a good companion, but not without sooner or later falling in to this paranoia that I “must be up to something”.
I have heard that sometimes women feel attraction to their abusers or rapists because it’s their way of finding the control they once were robbed of. Or, they turn a miserable experience in to something more memorable so they don’t remember the pain they felt.
Is it wise to make the effort to find him again? If for nothing else to talk, just to clear the air on why things we
Thanks for the answers so far (there’s been three). But I request that you copy/paste what a link has to say rather than copy the link, as I cannot open them without there being a message indicating there is a Trojan. Thank you!